Also known as: juliancheng
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and
crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations
on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area
of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban
refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time
efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in
a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing,
I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging
speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes.
I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw
in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-
handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from
a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I
was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous
documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension
bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On
Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances
free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless
bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of
corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private
citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number
nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured
New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force
demonstration. I bat 400. My deft floral arrangements have
earned me fame in international botany circles. Children
trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair.
