The laws of physics do not apply to me. I cook 30-minute brownies in 20 minutes. I'm not a doctor, but I play one when you're passed out. There is a good chance that I am completely invincible when drunk, and I've actually had a girl end up in a mental hospital when I dumped her... go figure (this anecdote either speaks volumes about how hard it is to lose me, or volumes about what kind of people I hang out with in my life... I tend to assume the latter.)
